It is Never a One-Way Street

There are times I get stuck in the middle of nowhere, where there is no one at all to save me…my mind keeps wandering in circles, hoping to find the answers to the things that bother me from time to time…it is exhausting…it came to a point where I realize that the essence of my existence is nevertheless obscure..the never ending fights and the overflowing sarcasm in life’s battle makes me feel unsure of who I really am…why do I exist??…is it me??? or something else that ruins the purpose of me being here???…tell me…

you say that there are 3 reasons why you love me; being good in bed is nothing but pure demands of lustful love exploding in the unseen faces of comfort……then being a bitch doesn’t account to what I am putting out on our relationship, for being one is not a positive perception of how you feel for me….lastly you said I’m smart…so I asked you in what way?…you said that I am capable of twisting things around???? WTH are you trying to say???? that I can easily make a fool out of anyone I meet????….oh well, I agree with you on one thing though…no one can ever do those twisting stuffs the way I can…that’s what you call being a smart ass….not smart…

with all the things that you say I am, I am not proud of….here’s some honest shit…for more than 3 years of being with you, I got to know the amazing you and so is your dark side….I know that when you’re happy about something, it will surely overflow and even if you try to stop it, your face will surely spell happiness all over it…when you tend to be suspicious or jealous, you talk less….when you’re down and sad, the happy face turns upside down…when you’re horny, you have that certain smirk in your eyes that never seems to disappear…when you’re mad at me, you’re face turns red and you try to torture me with silence….there are times that you love a show, where everyone else can be an audience, even those whom you don’t know….you appear to be tough but deep inside you know love is your weakness…when tantrums strikes, you always fail to calm yourself instead you take it all on your driving and bust your car till you get what you want…you oversee things when you’re like that…you forget me…you say the darn-est things and pretend that you’re glad to have that winning moment of such useless conversations of all time….you say the wrong things then you hurt me….but you know what?…I’m just there…also trying to put a good show for you so you won’t feel alienated…I’m just there, like a prey, a recipient…waiting for your tantrums to end…for I know when it does you’ll remember me…you’ll realize that I stayed all throughout just for you….I am just here to make you feel anything you want everyday…so that I can say, “i am filling your part of the empty cup…”….

to cut this short…all I am saying is…i love you baby….i loved you no matter what….and i am gonna love you till my heart stops beating despite all the odds…for I know when we had each other for the first time, it is I who should take the bigger steps of adjustment, not you…before you say it, it is done….before you needed it, it is there…before you wanted it, it is yours already….i would do anything for you even if there are times that you took my feelings for granted…for your feelings are far more important than anything in this world…

but i didn’t say I’m happy with how things are right now…cause I’m not….yes, I am happy to be with you but it upsets me every time you remind me how we struggle to survive love’s fate…we seem to disagree on almost everything….why??? are you not happy with me anymore????….

you always tell me to say what I mean…well truth is, I don’t know how…I don’t know how to tell you that I’m hurt, sad, mad, happy, excited, frustrated, depressed….I don’t know how to react to each and every sentence you transmit…I don’t know how to act, when to act, where to act in a certain way that you wanted me to…I really don’t know…I guess I am just good at one thing…letting you have your way…this is me baby…I give and give and give till there’s none….I give without expecting anything in return…as long as you are happy…as long as everybody is happy….and when I am tired or exhausted, I keep my silence…that’s all I’ve got for myself….

If you can’t understand that, I guess this is a one-way street after all….don’t worry, I’ll make sure a detour is always there whenever you need it…I know I do, but I don’t take it because I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU…..I guess that’s why I continue to exist……in my heart, I know when all the fighting is over, you’re gonna love me again….

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